SodaHead - Beautiful? Insane? Perfect.♥'s Blog

Arttt...

2008-10-02T08:35:13Z

Beautiful? Insane? Perfect.♥

0 raves

http://lemonzlol.deviantart.com Comment, yeah? :D I want either comments or constructive criticism! LOL! x

2000 raves! LOL!

2008-09-21T13:54:45Z

Beautiful? Insane? Perfect.♥

+5 raves

Haha I didn't even notice, and I've been waiting for ages, then I do finally notice, AND I'M 33 OVER!!! LOL!!! Anywho xD That's all. x

Mood...

2008-09-06T14:01:22Z

Beautiful? Insane? Perfect.♥

+3 raves

I’m in one of those moods… You know… Those ones you can’t seem to get rid of. The moods that stop you from smiling, laughing… Being you. It’s one of those moods. I don’t mean it. It happens by accident. I just… Stop. Or… The world stops. I’m unsure of what it means. Perhaps… I should wait. In silence. For the reason behind it. Depression? Do I look or sound depressed? Is this really me? That is a question I can answer… No, this is not me. I’m sitting here, at 11:15 on Saturday night, listening to The Butterfly Effect, in the hope of lessening this depressing noise that seems to be clouding my mind. So much for in silence. There won’t be much silence tonight. It won’t leave, the sound. I’m trying to talk, I am, but it’s hard. Because the whole world has stopped. Sometimes I just want to scream. When this feeling is here I want to scream. Or smash something to tiny pieces and watch it crumble. Yeah. I want to watch it crumble, just like I am. I’m crumbling. And there’s nothing I can do about it. Should there be? Rhetorical question. My insides feel yuck. I feel a little sick. My world seems to be falling slowly around me, crashing into chaos and I can’t stop it. I’m just a spectator in my own life. Watching as everything falls into one, big, massive, melting heap. I need to be able to piece it all together, but I know I can’t. Not just yet. I’m too unstable to be able to fix it, to put the puzzle parts back where they should be. I don’t know if I need help, or a hug. I feel like a hug… But I feel like I need help to fix this. I know it won’t fix itself. And I know I can’t do this alone. I’m being suffocated by myself. It’s not this place, or my family, or friends. It’s all me, cutting off my own air. She would tell me not to blame myself. I know she would, but I know I do anyway. I blame myself for falling into this seemingly endless pit of on and off mood swings. It doesn’t matter any more. None of it does. Or does it? Rhetorical question… ~ EJ

My Water Didn't Fizz!!

2008-08-30T14:15:42Z

Beautiful? Insane? Perfect.♥

+2 raves

Okai so... I was reading about someone else who did this, and it reminded me lol. JUST READ :D One time when my brother was being lazy, and I was feeling generous, I got him a bottle of water cos he asked me to. So I got it out of the bottom of the fridge, and I dropped it, and it kinda... Bubble. I was like "OOOH IT FIZZES!" So as evilly as possible, I threw it at the wall, down the stairs... At whatever I could to make it bubble. Then I gave it to my brother, with an evil grin on my face apparently, and he opened it and I got SO excited! And he had a drink out of it and I yelled "DAMNIT!" He goes "What??" And I said... "It didn't fizz out everywhere..." Woah how much am I STILL laughed at for that?! Bahahaha!!! Woah stupid much... So... Heather thinks it's cute! SHUT UP! Bahaha. Okai, goodnight xo

Breathe Me

2008-08-09T16:14:14Z

Beautiful? Insane? Perfect.♥

0 raves

Breathe Me Help, I have done it again… I have been here many times before… You know that one time... When you just can't get them out of your head... No matter what you do... And you cry. You scream. You take it out on other people. You listen to that one song that reminds you of them. Because it was your song together. Because you know it makes you cry. But you still listen anyway. Because it's something that gives you a meaning. Hurt myself again today… And, the worst part is there’s no one else to blame… You don't stop. You cry for hours, trying to rid yourself of the thoughts. They're dead. It doesn't matter any more. It's nothing. Be my friend… Hold me, wrap me up… Unfold me… I am small… I’m needy… Warm me up… Breathe me… But it’s not nothing. It's always something. It's not being a drama queen. It's something bigger than that. Something deep inside you that you, and you alone can understand. No one else "gets" it. But you do. Ouch I have lost myself again... Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found... And in the end, it's not okai. Nothing's ever okai. I'm still waiting for my forever. And I hope they get here soon. Yeah I think that I might break... I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe... Because I won't wait forever. And now... It's his last chance. I'm through with this. I don't know. I don't feel. I don't... Understand. And I'm not sure he does either. I don't even know if I'm making sense. Be my friend... Hold me, wrap me up... This isn't what I planned at all. Unfold me... I am small... I'm needy... I don't want to continue. Just stop it all. End it. Warm me up... And breathe me...

I STOOD UP for OVER 24 HOURS!

2008-07-26T13:19:40Z

Beautiful? Insane? Perfect.♥

+3 raves

D: HOLY CRAP MY FEET HURT! Okis, so on Friday 25th of July, I woke up at six thirty in the morning for school. At lunch time, Sarah came and told me that Make A Stand was on that night, and started at six thirty. Make A Stand was a fundraiser we did, and we had reciept books and stuff (very professional haha), and we were raising money for Destiny Rescue so they could go to Cambodia to get th kids out of the brothels. I raised 100 dollars, and that will save three children! WOO! Okai, so I had gone to bed at midnight on Thursday night, woke up and six thirty, went through six gruelling hours of school, got home, and at six I went to Abermain Christian Church (not that I'm Christian, that's just where it was) and I STOOD FOR OVER 24 HOURS! All up, from 6:30 Friday morning, I was standing for about 27 hours! WOAH! I didn't sleep for 28 hours an forty minutes! HOLY HELL MAN! I was SO hyper last night and early this morning! And then I almost fell asleep on Nige LOL! Right, so I ONLY JUST slept for TEN MINUTES at 9:20 this morning! Then I txted Dad and told him to come and get me LOL! And I FINALLY got some sleep at 1:30 this afternoon! I woke up at nine thirty hahaha. So, I've really only had 8 hours and 10 minutes sleep over the course of the fundraiser haha xD So yeah! I'm FUCKED! D: Now I'm sitting in the lounge room on a recliner with my feet in a foot spa and a back massager! My ankles are swollen, and the soles of my feet are heaps bruised haha! But I lasted the longest! Weeee!!!! Okis DONE! x

Kalinda

2008-06-04T07:50:32Z

Beautiful? Insane? Perfect.♥

0 raves

Sun. Moon. Earth. Sky. Air. She was many things to me. The first day I met her, at a park, with her younger brother. At the time we were fourteen. I, being the girl I was, decided she would be my best friend, right there and then as we introduced ourselves. As we grew older, and our bodies changed, she began to grow more beautiful. I had plain looks. She got all the attention from the boys, but then again I wasn't very boy-crazy. I was never jealous. She was my best friend, and best friends don't get jealous. Eighteen, and we had both started looking at each other different...I did grow prettier, but not by much. Kalinda stayed the same, her features only maturing as we got older. I started to look at her like a boy would look at a girl. Or like a girl would see a boy she really likes...it was weird to me, strange, different...and I kept it to myself, too afraid to speak out. No one else was like this...did this mean I was...? "Kalinda?" "Sienna?" "Ah...did you ever break up with that kid? Uhm what was his name...? Scott?" I asked nervously. We were in our twenties now...she was almost twenty-three while I was only a month into being twenty-two. "Yeah, ages ago. Why?" "Because a while ago..." I took a deep, calming breath, "A while ago I strated to like you. A lot." "What?" Kalinda's voice was sharp, making me flinch. "I uhmm...I think I love you..." All I heard was her breathing become faster, and then the dial tone. Tears sprang to my eyes...I refused to let them fall. I pulled my phone out of my jeans pocket and messaged her. 'This is weird for me...I didn't know until our last year of high school. Sorry if it's weird for you to think of me as a lesbian, or whatever, Kal, but this is how I am. Talk later xx' I recieved a message in reply about ten minutes later. 'Sienna, it's not that I don't accept your feelings...but it is weird for me, and very different. I feel...like i have to tell you that I can't return your feelings. I'm not that way. I'm so sorry if I've hurt you, but it's just not right for me...hopefully we can still be friends? I don't want to lose your friendship over this... xx' Tears welled once again in my eyes, this time I made no effort to stop them flowing freely down my face. A small smile shaped my lips. I could say 'at least she was honest'...she was, but it still hurt. It hurts to know that the person you love so dearly won't love you back. I looked at the charm bracelet on my left wrist. She had the matching one on her right wrist. Together they spelt "LOVE"...but it was hard to love now. I had hoped so much that she would feel the same way, but I was asking for too much obviously. She'd never love me back, and I had to accept that. A year afterwards, we were still friends...then she got mixed up in the wrong crowd thanks to her stupid boyfriend at the time. She started to do drugs... One day it all became too much for her, I guess. She never told me her reason, but I guess it's irrelevent now. I was with her, at her bedside, when she died. She had taken some sort of drug that had eaten her stomach, from the inside out, and would eventually kill her. She refused to see anyone but me...I felt so special... Her last breaths were on me. Her voice was wheezy, and she was losing her battle... "I'm sorry Sienna...for everything..." she coughed, "I want you to know...I did love you. But now it's too late. This is so cliche, but I did, and still possibly do, love you Sienna. Don't forget there will always be someone to love you..." I merely stared at her. This couldn't be happening...I grabbed her cold hand and held it tightly in my own. She died, her last breath drawn as I placed a shaky, teary kiss on her cold lips. Kalinda. Sun. Moon. Earth. Sky. Air. She was many things to me. And she still is. Even in death. -------------------------------------------------------------... Eh. I was bored. More so than the other one. x <33

Write Me A Story

2008-05-20T09:10:01Z

Beautiful? Insane? Perfect.♥

0 raves

"Write me a story." "Why?" "Because we're running out of time..." "What do you mean?" "We're not going to live forever." "Yeah. I'll write you a story another time." "Just write me a story, okai?" "Okai." "I won't be here much longer..." "Hey?" "Nothing." "You still sick?" "Uhmm yes..." "When will you be better?" "The doctors don't even know what's wrong with me." "I know." ---------------- "She...told me to write her a story..." "What?" "Uhmm two days before...it happened...she told me to write her a story...she said 'We're running out of time. We won't live forever.'. And now I know why..." "Oh." "I'm...I'm going home..." "Okai. I'll see you later." ---------------- "I loved her. I did. And now she's gone." "Shh I know...shh..." "...I was too fucking late..." _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ Just a little thing I wrote while I was bored =] It's a wee bit short.. But apparently, it's good... Peace x

I feel stupid...

2008-04-03T07:12:52Z

Beautiful? Insane? Perfect.♥

0 raves

I like this kid, Seb... He doesn't know I exist. We've only ever spoken once. And he give me butterflies. So many that it makes me sick. ...he's so beautiful, and I'm nothing to him... Not even a friend. I need help... It's gonna be Jayde all over again. We're gonna become realli good friends, and won't date because we could ruin our friendship. I bet you. This is how it starts... I'm so screwed up... I always fall for the guy I can't ever have. Ugh, k, I think my rant is over. I'll go back to my self-loathing now...lol. Peace >.<