SodaHead - Sufferer of the Mazzaroth's Blog

Time Off

2008-01-07T06:00:16Z

+2 raves

No doubt I'm going to break this little vacation at one point, just to take up a little time, but I'm getting a little tired. I have a life to live with the friends I know personally and family, school and hobbies, and a new job. I don't mind discussing things I already know, but when someone brings up something that I hadn't come across before. Which means I have to study up on this stuff because you can't believe everything on here. Anyway, I don't like bothering people with questions, family or friends--friends usually couldn't care less; it's always fun time for them, no political thought at all. I read the books and articles I can find, but after awhile it's like overflow. Learning stuff is fun, but I have to focus on writing too. I'm been in writer's block for a long time now, especially after losing my flashdrive which contained a lot of writing. Not to mention that I love world-creating, which involves different cultures, laws, features, traditions, language, abilities, politics, and so on and so forth. (I like fantasy.) I've been slacking anyway, so time off might just do the trick. Btw, to all those who go to the churches just to get food and throw your trash on the ground, you need to get your priorities in order. IT WASN'T EVEN MY CHURCH--I DON'T EVEN GO TO CHURCH AND TELL PEOPLE TO LEAVE THEM--AND I GOT ANGRY AT THESE PEOPLE! But I guess the church brought it on themselves. I was only there because I didn't want to upset my mother--who doesn't go to church much anyway even though she supports it. They wanted to get the record for amount of people in church or something like that. You haven't seen anything until you've seen knife-throwing and whip-theatrics in church. It's not the nay-sayers of churches today that are threatening them; it's the churches themselves. Goodnight.

Font

2007-11-25T00:26:55Z

Sufferer of the Mazzaroth

0 raves

Just trying to figure out how to use bold. <.STRONG.>.bold. <./.STRONG> but without the periods. i say work? i. .<.STRONG.>.say.<./.STRONG.>. .work? will it work for underline? will it work .<.u>.for.<./.u.>. underline? will it work for italics? will it work .<.i>.for.<./.i.>. underline?

New Image

2007-11-16T03:03:25Z

Sufferer of the Mazzaroth

+1 raves

It became very annoying for people to assume I was a redhead because of my nickname on here so I've changed it to something that is me (it's a term used for scorpio and several people have that nickname on here so I don't want to use it now). I used RedHairRedSkin to symbolize my ancestry which I take pride in along with my mother's northman blood. I thought the irony of having both red hair and skin would clue people on that they were not literally true. I was wrong and I apologize.

Anyway, felt like doing a makeover but I did not want to give my actual picture out so I picked one of the pics from a quiz I took.

Blood, honestly, is not important on relationships. The only thing about it is what physical characteristics you can get along with diseases. It's hypocritical to my beliefs, so that would be another reason I changed my name on here. If people want to think I'm racist, go ahead. If you want to think I'm sexist, feel free to. If you want to think I'm intolent, have at. I'll do and say what I think is correct on here.

Now, I'm going to work on my profile a bit more.

(Also, yippee! Good dentist appointment. Despite having a bad brushing record [either brushing too hard or doing it very sparingly] the dentist was impressed. I lied at first [bad girl] but after feeling better by the x-ray admitted it and apologized. At least I know I'm healthy, or at least that's what my mother says. "You know someone is healthy or hygenic [spelling error] if they have nice teeth."

Also, weird question by the woman there. Asked me if I sang. I was so caught off guard by the insight, I told her I did and asked her how she knew. "The gap in your teeth." [I have small teeth and a big mouth ^.^] She said that most singers started off on that. I told her about how a previous dentist wanted to drill them down and put in fakes so it would be together. She looked horrific and suggested invisaline or something like that since it's baring a centimeter worth of space. I'm going to try it out simply because I have a habit of wiping my mouth constantly during eating [paranoid] and my upper lip has a habit of getting caught. OH, I HATE THAT!)

Panic Attack

2007-11-13T04:17:16Z

Sufferer of the Mazzaroth

+2 raves

Okay, I've already stated that I have obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, so this might make more sense with what I am about to say. (And, no, I have not told anyone in the family about it.)

Today, I had to drive my grandfather to get his glasses, something my father already knew. However, I did not know what he was going to do that day so when he got up and said, "Let's get ready to work," and went to the wall that needed to be sanded, I was suddenly very angry. He knew that I had to go somewhere and yet he wanted me to get all messed up before going out. It was either that or not help and have him be angry with me, which I severely loathe.

Anyway, went with Papa, came back and my brother informed me that Dad had removed my books. I think I had some adrenaline coming from that because when I took everything of Papa's from the vehicle into the house I didn't notice how heavy some of it was like in the stores and was amazed at how quick it went.

Now, being OCPD, I have some issues. I like control and organization, not to mention I have this thing about security. My room is supposed to be my room, though I know that it is HIS house so I said nothing and held off the most I could in my crying while he was nearby. This may sound stupid but I put a lot of effort and time (lot of books) into organizing my room with everything in certain places in a certain way. My books were organized in this order: first by author, then by date and then by height. To see everything tossed in bags for me to go through and see what I wanted was like picking up pieces of a shattered window. And it wasn't just my books, but my drawings and writings! I would have died inside without them! I've been working for years to gather information and write out scenes.

I remember when one of my stories with a friend wouldn't come up on disk and I understand why she cried. It was over 200 pages long and obviously she had never had someone that committed to writing with her; guess that's why she keeps me around.

I did go through those bags and trashed things in my room to make room for them. (He has the weirdest thing about books stacked atop each other and more than one row on a shelf, when the shelf can hold three rows and threes books atop each other.) It was a waste of space to me, but made it. Every so often I would feel trapped, uncomfortable and frustrated, started crying quietly and would stop a few minutes later only to start up again. My books are more precious to me than money.

Keep your money, buy me a book.

The conclusion I've come to: Write everything I have on paper onto my computer so I have more room for books. Use up all my paper and then put it on the computer so I have more room for books. Find some way to become nudist without my father knowing so I have more room for books instead of clothes. Yay for books!

Back

2007-11-02T19:17:24Z

Sufferer of the Mazzaroth

+2 raves

Grandpa is came back last night and is feeling loads better. Even on the phone I noticed the difference. I didn't get to visit him but I worked around his house to make it easier on him. He actually told me to enjoy Halloween because last year I had food-poisoning. It is the second worst thing, right under that migraine I once had. I couldn't even sleep that off.

So, anyway, went to a birthday/Halloween party dressed as the Hobo of Halloween. It was very relaxed and friendly, loved it to death, except for my ex's dad hanging at least five feet from me for the first half hour of the party, waiting for me to discuss politics so he could argue or blame my views on my own father. I didn't realize it until after the fact, but I did savor how when he asked, "Did your father tell you that?" "No, I read up on it. I wouldn't talk to him about stuff like that until I was married." I'm not like his son; I don't need my dad listening in on phone calls and telling me what to say. *nudge nudge* (Also, they dressed a life-size Bush picture up with a devil's outfit, showing it off to me personally. Again, it's so much fun to blow off their attempts and watch them lose that pride. Another guy fondled the paper president and his gf walked away red.)

He's doing all right but he's still having troubles with his girlfriend. She dressed as a French maid. She had to wear shorts because it was so short and she was practically falling out of her dress; I wanted to cover her up with a scarf and I've also realized that big boobs are not that attractive. I saw them and I thought granny titties. Anything over a D is too much. I have a friend with double Es who can't lose weight for risk of breaking her spine. Not fun.

Back to them, he's still reserved as ever with her and she's still as clingy as ever. She wanted his attention and he was more worried about video games and these popper things. (Also, played Guitar Hero, very fun and learned I knew more metal songs than I thought. Only thing was that I would start doing great and then someone would say something about it; I would immediately mess up.) It didn't matter that he wouldn't see everyone else for a while or that the rest of us wanted to give her attention. She got drunk along with others even though he said that none of that would happen. He did try to give her attention twice but she kept pushing him away. Another friend told me of how this always happens, they start thinking of breaking up and then fix it finally at the last second. I made sure to stay around the birthday girl and only be around him if others were around because of our history and his girl's jealous paranoia.

I'm glad I got to see them though and finally met up with one of my gay friends. Asked him the penis question and he laughed, "Of course, who wouldn't be?" He is having a difficult time though. A ten hour job cities away, but he hasn't lost his will to soil what little white I have on my gown. He told me to become a stripper, says it helps the body (he has lost weight) and pays good on holidays. After so long he gave up and said to at least visit. Apparently just the tiniest flirting can get you a drink here, male or female. And also my friend lied. She used to date him and he dumped her for a guy so she labelled him as homosexual. I thought he'd told her that, but she just declared it and he corrected her. I think the reason stems from this. "I may agree with both genders, but the fact he left me for a guy still stings." I find this hypocritical when she says both are the same and she's bisexual, but she blames it on her gender. Personally, if I didn't believe I would go to Hell for the choice, I wouldn't blame him; he gets the best of both worlds with a guy.

Found out that I'm also the minority actually, being Republican which was a shocker. The people that I thought were weren't. I may not agree with their views but they are good people, that's why I think Sodahead is so impersonal. Everyone only gets to read what you believe, not hear your tone, or see your voice or experience interaction. Most friendships start with just kindness, not a common agenda.

Went to two Fall Festivals and sometime in the next few days I be at an anime convention. I also want to say that I'm surprised that I didn't have many attacks while I was gone and I want to thank those that disagree with me. On here I can have constant confrontations and am forced to control my temper, that has helped me with my dealings with people in person. I hope I haven't forgotten anything on this blog. I know the moment I finish this I'll remember something.

Hospital

2007-10-30T12:45:35Z

Sufferer of the Mazzaroth

+1 raves

Yesterday thirty past midnight my grandfather had to go to the hospital because he couldn't breathe right for the littlest things. He's doing fine now, just some water build up around his lungs and heart. They drained what he thinks is ten pounds of it from him and he's a big man. I told him at least he's losing weight. I'll be off for at least half of the week (right now I'm using a friend's computer) until he gets home. I have college, work and chores to do, so any free time is granted to him. He's the last person I want to die.

On better news my mother bought my autistic brother an outfit for Halloween. He's several inches taller than me, still growing, and still is the sweetest child I've ever known, probably will always be that way. For the holiday (I don't think it should be considered such, but I have no say. I am not their mama even though she's usually gone when everything starts flying.) he is going to be a doctor. He tried it on last night and he looked really authentic, but the best part is that he has a wisdom many people lack and I doubt he knows it. My dad laughed at the outfit and said, "Doctor, doctor, I need help." Of course my brother fell into roll as if he really was a doctor, again not thinking it was a joke; he is very trusting. He came over to help and asked what was wrong. Dad said, "It hurts when I move my arm this way."

Bro's response: "Then don't do that." He gives some good advice.

I have a varied range of humor between clean, dirty and morbid. Clean has always been my favorite because I can share it with anyone and it's the best kind. There's nothing going wrong and you can find it anywhere. Dirty has always had more of a shock affect on me and it's very difficult for me to repeat it, sex or just disgusting jokes. There was one from Turnip magazine that I had to practice saying without blushing and it was only about bodily eruptions. Morbid, well, I'm a cynic and sarcastic (yet for some reason I think there's at least some good in everyone or that daycare I went to when I was young would have a mysterious fire) so morbid humor was right up my ally.

Anyway, Jerry got me thinking about that poll he suggested. Well, I can answer that right here. Yes, I asked a friend and she's absolutely sure about it. She said more to add emphasis to her reasoning, but she's even sicker than me about dirty jokes. I thought about how I would have reacted when I was bisexual and I can tell you that I don't like anything down there, male or female, even now. Either it looks like hairy, formless lips or a hairy, cancerous growth. The idea is just putrid to me, that's why the only porno I could ever watch is a commercial about jeans where their shirts are off. My response to them is "Why can't they be smooth like Barbie and Ken?" Instead of nasty (I have a sterical view of this) sex, we could cut our arm off, put it in some water and grow another human like a starfish.

Just so you understand how I see sex as nasty, dwell on this. First off, it's a penis. The other stuff that comes out is pee. How in the world are they able to control that? And oral sex: EW! Use some alcohol to clean it first. Same goes for women. Do you know the anatomical (not sure if that's the word to use) term for the natural lubricant is mucosa. That's mucus, people. Vagina snot! Now you're just as disgusted as I am. Good day.

Horrible Poll

2007-10-29T03:05:52Z

Sufferer of the Mazzaroth

+4 raves

At first she was doing so well. She was defending her right to have an opinion and run a household like she'd wish. She only thing that ended support was the attack on his mother. I really wish there were chances where you could just redo things. That's the only thing she did wrong and it would have probably never happened if he had not put up the poll. Oh, well, we learn from our mistakes.

She is still a good person that was pushed too far and I pray that she is given another chance. I really wish there was more indentions to follow conversations better or some added feature that gives the previous comment if you click (more) like for raves. It really is chaos on the poll and more than just character bashing. I've had my fair share, but I'm too worried about her to be mad anymore. It makes my stomach twist.

The author of the poll and mike are still lying as always. I really thought they were not that bad; she even defended them. The author keeps saying how he didn't put that information up and yet where would she get it? He even posted it and he's still denying. That's why you have to be so careful about where you refer. I've drawn several rules for Sodahead.

1. Never edit your response, just add to it on a separate reply. 2. Don't refer to profiles for those can be changed. 3. Don't say anything or do anything you aren't willing to apologize for, and this isn't just from her. I"ll add to as time goes on. I know that I'm going to get attacked for having her back on the original point of the poll, but that's something I have to deal with.

Birthday!

2007-10-26T02:34:42Z

Sufferer of the Mazzaroth

+1 raves

(Epilogue to previous entry: My second dog was put down and my Dad did every possible way to avoid that question. He seriously has sheltered me too much and continues to, which I guess it reasonable since I live under his house while I go to college, though I can't stand that I am set for older teen instead of adult for internet websites. Does he honestly think I would look at porn after what I've told him already?)

Anyway, I almost forgot about my birthday until I had to take a test and put down the date. Everyone else but my grandfather and God forgot. My present from God was that I passed a test with flying colors even though initially when I read the results I thought they were horrible because what I thought was percentage was percentile. For everything I covered I scored in the top seventeen percent or higher; for one I was even in the top one percent, hooray! Just think if I had actually studied for it. I know, I'm lazy. Bad sloth!

But I am so happy to have that over and done with. What's weird is that it's numbers I excel in when everyone I know says I would do awesome in things to do with reading and writing. I am a multi-published author and love to write narratives and poetry, though poetry is not what I concentrate on. I don't think that should be forced, but something that is so meaningful that it rises up and you can't ignore it any longer.

However, narration is like a mix of fantasy and fact, how you wish things could be and at the same time provide realism so much that it draws the reader in. That they connect with the character even when they disagree. I'm a little old fashioned when it comes to have a moral message hidden within it, but I also like drama, action, description, mystery, horror, romance and more, especially when it is mingled together.

Okay, I think that's enough for now. (I have to eat my cake tomorrow. It is WAY too late. I should be asleep.

Side note: I have just had the best connection with someone I have never met before in person. I wouldn't have believed how fast she got my respect and admiration with simply using internet, something that gives no tone or expressions to see, but she did. I may not agree with everything she says, but that's what makes her so much more amazing. She actually made me tear up with her support and faith in Christ.

B4Real2Me, look her up and see for yourself.

Dog is Dead

2007-10-24T13:04:08Z

Sufferer of the Mazzaroth

+4 raves

I haven't been that committed to my comments today. Yesterday my dog was put down because of a disease that the doctor said was too far gone. I don't agree with him because I have brought her back from where it was so painful, she couldn't be touched without pain. They are now debating whether or not to kill the other one, though I think the only reason is because he is fat and she had a fast metabolism. Anyway, I apparently had been overmedicating her (I would have rather used antibiotics but I was not allowed to, supposedly, waste it on them). My father would not tell me at first.He hid it with a smile, talking to mom. She must have asked where I was or what I was doing because he laughed and said, She is standing here, staring at me. He always tries to lesson horrible things with a laugh. He hates it when the peace of the household is ruined and I do not blame him. I blamed the neighbors. They tormented my dog everyday by throwing stones at her and, if there was one reason I am okay with letting one of my babies go, it is them.I have been thinking of ways to get revenge on them. One friend suggested going after their kids, which I do not agree with. I originally thought killing an animal or two of theirs would make me happy, but I do not think I could do it and not think of how much of a waste that would be. So I have decided to set them all free into the forest.The worst part is in all of this is that I find it difficult to cry for people at funerals because I do not see natural death as a bad thing. I will cry when I miss them sure, but I think I will see them again. An animal dies and it is dirt, gone, poof; I will never see my dog again and it hurts. I have a cat and the chickens left for sure, but the only things they do are eat and sing. (Yes, they sing; it is a happy series of clucking.) They are as listed: Fluffer Nutter=Rooster, the cutest but most scared rooster I’ve ever raised. Any other rooster has stuck up for itself and the flock. He comes running with that waddle of his and clucks a lot, but he has never really been a help to them when dogs were around./ Fluff Feet=Mother Hen, named by a mother of a friend (the next six are her chicks)/ Fluffy/ Jigglypuff/ Fuzzball/ Downy/ Ruffles/ Feather Duster/ Ghost=Came back to life after my grandfather tried to put her down and she is white./ Blanche=An oversexed hen who was targeted constantly when we had four roosters, thus she has no feathers on her neck./ Granny Gray=A bully of a hen./ Persephone=A beautiful, but cautious hen./ Goldie=Very friendly like her siblings. She is clearly yellow and will come right up to sit next to you./ Penelope=She is shorter than her sister Goldie and not as bold.

If my last dog is put down, I’m getting a puppy.