Aug 08, 2007 05:32PM GMT
Question
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Relationships - Other
Would you confront a guy being abusive to a woman?
We all take stands against woman abusers, but when push literally comes to shove, do you think you would step in?Guys, would you be ready for a confrontation with a hostile guy who is yelling and/or hitting a girl? How would you respond or how have you? Girls, what would you do? Have you ever had to deal with this?
The set up: Last night, I am walking with my buddy to get food when I hear a guy yelling in the parking lot and I hear a girl screaming. I look at my buddy and we both walk over to see what is going on. I started tensing up, ready for the possibility of a confrontation. I like to think I would be brave enough to step in and do something but I have never been in the situation. Thinking I would do something is a lot different than actually doing it. The guy yelling was apparently pissed. He was banging on the girls car door, but quickly took off in his own car. The girl was all right.
I started talking with my friend and told him I was waiting to see if I would have to go intervene if he was being abusive. He said something to the effect of "yea and then the guy pulls a knife on you..."
I respond, "true, but then I hope that I can take him out and bring him to the ground in one hit. I have absolutely zero tolerance for abusive guys and I don't care at that point."
If the guy is wielding a knife, I would never approach him. My buddy indicated that he wouldn't intervene. Still, I wanted to see where other people stand on this. Would you ever step in? Would you just call the cops?
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raves posted Aug 08, 2007 09:26PM GMT
Answered I am a guy and I have or I would step in if I saw an act tof abuse.
I have stepped in previously...but...I have been working out, running and studing martial arts for most of my life...since very young. So I have that as an option...a realistic option. That being said...in the times I have intervened...there is actually only maybe twice where it got physical. Every other time...because I used other options, and didn't jump right to conflict, it ended peacefully. -
raves +4 posted Aug 08, 2007 08:54PM GMT
Answered I am a girl and I would do my best to physically step in if I saw an act of abuse.
I've actually kicked a guy in the private area for slapping a female friend of mine. They were dating and got into an argument and he hit her and I kicked him. I was so scared, then when he got of the ground i was going to get my butt kicked. But a neighbor saw what happened and called the police. And I got such a lecture on not to intervene. Call the cops. BLAH BLAH, but when something likes that happens in front of you. I think you do the first thing that pops in mind. I do admit through , I was lucky. -
raves posted Aug 08, 2007 08:26PM GMT
Answered Undecided
I have actually been in a relationship of this kind. So I can only hope that there is some people out there who would help. But let me tell you this, sometimes it is better not to cause more anger in the abuser because you never know what they are capable of. My advice is to hang out where they cant see you and call the cops! -
raves +3 posted Aug 08, 2007 07:28PM GMT
Answered I am a guy and I would just call the cops but would not physically intervene.
I would like to intervene, but I have to face the truth, I am a 65 year old man and I don't think that I could get physical with the guy, even if I wanted to. Everyone today has a cell phone, so just call the police. Since this guy drove away, I would check on the girl to see that she was all right and if not, call the EMS. Hopefully, once the police got there the girl would give the information needed to get the guy put in jail. Sometimes they won't for fear of the guy coming back and really hurting the girl. -
raves +4 posted Aug 08, 2007 07:22PM GMT
Answered I am a girl and I probably would yell at them but I would not get physical.
i think that it depends on the situation!!!
If there was just yelling... i would allow the argument to happen, we all yell sometimes. (unless it was late and i could hear it from my house-then i may yell back something like "SHUT UP!" out my window)
If there was physical abuse that i saw w/ my own eyes... i'd have to assess the situation and decide if i would be in danger.
Unfortunately if someone is willing to abuse someone in public, it's hard to imagine what happens behind closed doors.
Also unfortunately there are too many people who don't see that it's abuse or can't/won't leave because of the mental/emotional abuse that is also going on. Talk to anyone who has been abused.... they never "asked for it" in any way other than staying in the situation. -
raves +4 posted Aug 08, 2007 06:41PM GMT
Answered I am a guy and I have or I would step in if I saw an act tof abuse.
It is a thankless position that I have filled, you keep the girl from getting hurt, and you are a bully, you do nothing and have to live with yourself as a coward. For some reason when a mans says "I Love You" with the back of his hand that says he really means it, or some form of female logic that I will NEVER understand....
It is my policy, act and move, if someone openly hits a woman in public he probably beats the hell out of her in private, I am justified by my code of conduct, regardless of prevailing law. -
raves +3 Aug 08, 2007 07:08PM GMT (edited)You have a good heart. You are right about some situations where the dysfunction is mind boggling. I can hold my own, but once in while it's nice be protected.The one time I saw my husband actually fly thru the air was when our drunk and chemicly imbalance neighbor was being loud. There is a six foot fence separating the two properties. I just coming home, and the neighbor was displeased our tomcat was beating up his tomcat. (His cat is twice as big as ours) The neighbor screamed at me, "If I see your cat over here again, I am going to shoot it." I replied ' If you touch my cat I will take care of you myself! AND I DON'T NEED A GUN! " Just then my husband who had been inside burst thru our front door, went up and over his BBQ and flew atop the fence. The only reason our neighbor still draws breathe is I caught the back of my husbands boxers before he went all the way over. I convinced him the neighbor wasn't worth it.
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raves +2 Aug 08, 2007 07:09PM GMTYes...that's the risk.
You will put yourself at risk and then the woman will go back to the thug or worse...she will attack you for defending her!
If you do nothing, then you are a weasel.
Men have a responsibility to treat women well, and women have a responsibility not to enable abusers. -
raves +2 Aug 08, 2007 07:32PM GMTI mitigate risk, in one instance that came to mind I broke a guys arm on the bullnose of a bartop, his woman was throwing beer bottles at me as I was walking out of the bar. The police never went looking for me, so I guess the cops were more concerned with how she got all the marks on her arms and the fat lip.
Not everyone was raised with the same values as I was, I realize that, but the fact that a man beating a woman is not a value carried by all men enrages me.... -
raves +5 posted Aug 08, 2007 06:30PM GMT
Answered I am a girl and I would do my best to physically step in if I saw an act of abuse.
I think my adrenalin would kick in and I would have to do something. I am not the type to stand by. This is not the same but I was in Target and there was a man holding a 2 year old baby screaming the "f" word back and forth to his wife, very loud! I had my granddaughter with me and I said something to him. He, of-course, told me to shut my f****n mouth. I did not let up - I don't back down!!!! I felt so sorry for his wife as I could tell she was embarrassed. And...I have done things like that before, so "I believe" that my big mouth would probably get me in trouble. I just couldn't stand by and do nothing. I might call 911 first! -
raves +4 posted Aug 08, 2007 06:27PM GMT
Answered I am a girl and I would do my best to physically step in if I saw an act of abuse.
I would confront him, but I'd be well scared! I know someone who saw a lass being beaten by a man and he got involved and punched the man to the ground, he them got put in jail for punching the man who was abusing his wife! Thats just so bad isnt it! I mean you do a little good for the world and it spits you in the face! -
raves +19 posted Aug 08, 2007 06:17PM GMT
Answered I am a girl and I would do my best to physically step in if I saw an act of abuse.
I'd say something first, but if I had to, I'd step in physically. There is no bigger puss than a man who pushes around women and children. Girls fight dirty, and I'd use everything in my arsenal if need be, including finger nails! -
raves +5 posted Aug 08, 2007 06:11PM GMT
Answered I am a guy and I have or I would step in if I saw an act tof abuse.
Besides the actual fight, I would be worried about law enforcement placing me under arrest if I got into a fight with the guy. Still, I would be so angry if I witnessed it that I would probably act first, think later. -
raves +4 posted Aug 08, 2007 06:08PM GMT (edited)
Answered I am a girl and I would do my best to physically step in if I saw an act of abuse.
Sometimes calling attention is enough, but I can hold my own. I have extensive training in defending myself, and taking someone down if neccassary. I have only once been on the receiving end.I have made the active choice not to have that happen to me, or to any other random female as long as I am able to do something about it.. During training, I got the snot kicked out of me, bruised and aching body parts, but stronger and more confidant. -
raves +4 posted Aug 08, 2007 05:52PM GMT
Answered I am a girl and I would do my best to physically step in if I saw an act of abuse.
Heck yeah..We have leveled the yard and planted some grass..some kid visiting next door ran into our yard yesterday and I say..(nicely)..hey your messing up our grass..Kid turned around and said..So.F@@@ Y@@..at the time my husband was working on my car..he threw down the tools and went after the kid..the kid ran in the house and never came back out. We had a talk with the owner..and told him..you better tell that kid..my husband WILL NOT put up with anyone miss treating me or even another woman. We can not and will not stand by and see a man attack a woman..even if the woman is at fault. -
raves +3 posted Aug 08, 2007 05:36PM GMT
Answered I am a guy and I have or I would step in if I saw an act tof abuse.
I got in the middle of something where my ex boyfriend was screaming insanely at someone half his size...I ended up with a broken hand and several bad cuts, but he ended up in jail for 3 days!
Answered I am a girl and I would do my best to physically step in if I saw an act of abuse.
I'd say something first, but if I had to, I'd step in physically. There is no bigger puss than a man who pushes around women and children. Girls fight dirty, and I'd use everything in my arsenal if need be, including finger nails!