Jul 01, 2008 12:04AM GMT
Question
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Relationships - Other
Do you change who you are when starting a new relationship, or do you stay the way you always have been?
I have noticed that some people change who they are to make the other person like them even more, and usually, it backfires on them...so what do you do?
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Answered I stay true to who I am, no reason to be fake, love me for me or don't love me at all....
sooner or later I have to be myself and I'd rather have him not like me from the start if that is what he decides, than later on and me having my heart broken. -
compromise is beside the point, it was more of a question of, do you change style, habits and so on and so forth just to please someone else, essentially changing who you REALLY are and who you have always been.
Of course, this is under the assumption that you weren't a horrible person your whole life. In those cases, if one changes, they need to do it for themselves in order to be loved, and not for anyone else.
But good answer! -
Thanks Jenn
Well, if someones style or habit is something that is hurting the relationship, then compromise may have to come into play.
Example...it was a habit of my ex-wife to go out to the night clubs and bars with her friends when we were just dating, after we married she didn't change that habit and it help lead to the destruction of our marriage. She didn't understand why the single bars were not a place for a married person to be hanging out. Needless to say, temptation, drinking, drugs and thoughtless friends of hers became a lethal combination and we divorced.
Her style was dressing like she was 21 when she was pushing 30. Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect her to dress like a nun but her style attracted attention and that attention helped in the lethal combination of our divorce.
(This next comment isn't directed towards you)
I don't believe in changing who you REALLY are for anyone but if who you REALLY are is based on clothes, hairstyle and superficial qualities, then you may want to take a look at the person in the mirror and ask why so much emphasis is placed on things that don't matter in the end.
I also believe there are some people that are very self centered and selfish and when it does come time to compromise in a relationship, they will scream...STOP TRYING TO CHANGE ME! It's a great way to stay self centered and get your way because compromise can be a pain in the ass. -
I totally agree with what you are saying....
My example is for the people who say they hate certain things because you do, and then later on you find out, they actually like them...and to some, that may seem trivial...but really, it isn't.
Like lets say a girl says she hates porn, and the dude says "Oh so do I, I just don't get it" and then they hook up and end up getting together...and she finds out he is surfing porn while she is sleeping.
Or! The point that you brought up about physical appearance. That's pretty much sums it up too. People who are really fake just to try to reel someone into liking them...spells disaster for the long-term.
Compromise is essential in any relationship and yes, you are right, sometimes it can be a pain in the ass. BUT! That said, there are certain things you should never have to compromise if you feel that strongly about them, because doing so changes the core of who you are, and even if you tried to change them just to please the other person, if you feel that strongly about it in the first place...the relationship is destined for doom. -
Yeah, liars suck! In the case of porn (im not defending him) but it's something most guys don't want to admit they watch. It's so easy to become addicted to it and he may feel horribile about himself for watching it. Porn addiction is so common with dudes and most guys are ashamed and don't want to even watch porn. The adult film companies have hooked many men in this country and it's probably the leading cause with sexual problems in marriages. After seeing these porn stars, men become desenseitized to their partner and have a hard time finding them sexualy attractive until they give the porn up.
but I agree with you....Liars suck! -
Answered I stay true to who I am, no reason to be fake, love me for me or don't love me at all....
I hate the fact that they say they are out going and like walks, but in fact they are couch cuddlers or computer nerds...and you know how to use more power tools then them.. -
Answered I stay true to who I am, no reason to be fake, love me for me or don't love me at all....
That's not to say that I don't "try harder". I say that to factor in the human element, but I won't be who I'm not regardless of who I want to impress. That person with either be impressed or not. -
Answered I stay true to who I am, no reason to be fake, love me for me or don't love me at all....
I am who I am. I don't live to please others so if you don't like me then that is the persons issue and not me. I know im not perfect and I dont live to be. -
Answered I stay true to who I am, no reason to be fake, love me for me or don't love me at all....
nah..asked hubby on the second date if he believed in god...could have been a deal breaker, but, I am who I am..and he was secure enough to give an honest opinion. -
raves +5
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Answered I stay true to who I am, no reason to be fake, love me for me or don't love me at all....
When I meet a guy I always let him see me without my makeup first. That way when he sees me all made up he says "Damn she looks like that all made up" with a smile on his face...instead of "Damn she looks like that" when the make-up is off, with a frown on his face. If they are going to like me...they have to like me first the way I look without all the get up! Beauty is only skin deep.