The 8 Most Obnoxious Internet Commenters: Which One Do You Hate The Most?

Under every video on YouTube or DailyMotion, and under any news story on the net or even here on SodaHead, there is a mini-culture that forms down in the comment section. The hit-and-run nature of the comments means it's fertile ground for some really annoying personalities to thrive.

These are the eight commenter personality types you'd most like to avoid, but can't because they're freaking everywhere:

#8 The Non-Believer
They like to think of themselves as the jaded skeptic in a world full of gullible sheeple, determined to be a flickering light of truth in a dark internet full of lies and fake viral videos. "No one could really fart on a birthday cake that way!" Example:


#7 The Macho Man
We think this guy is the same 'roid-monkey, blond-haired, fake tan, lip-pouting douche bag who made your high school life hell. He is the same guy who would have called you "dweeb" if you lived in a 1980's teen movie and usually uses the computer's keyboard as a weapon. Example:


#6 The Great Defender
Much like the Non-Believer up there, it's the knee-jerk nature of the Great Defender that's so annoying. You can have a YouTube video of a group of neo-Nazis shooting puppies out of a cannon, and the Great Defender will jump in with, "Wow you have to wonder what kind of trauma these guys had growing up that caused them to be so misguided. Some of you are so quick to judge." Example:


#5 Mr. Science
This guy knows everything about the laws that govern the known universe, even the stuff science hasn't figured out yet. He has an education, works in a lab (or claims to) and has devoted his extraordinary gifts to telling strangers on the internet that they are wrong. Example:


#4 Hitler's Apprentice
The internet has done wonders for racism. This guy probably never utters a racist word out in the real world, but once he can hide behind an avatar on the internet... BAM! Mr. KKK the Nazi Loving Aryan Prince rears his ugly head. If the video or story or photo has a black person in it, this guy will be there unleashing all of the racial epitaphs he's been forced to bottle up while in polite society. Example:


#3 The Ninja
This commenter is in and out in a flash, they will usually only post one comment, no more no less, just enough to get the job done. The ninja will lay in wait while some comment section argument rages. Then, just as everyone has stopped caring whether or not the new Harry Potter trailer looks stupid, the ninja will strike with such grace and precision that it will devastate everyone who stumbles across his comment, forever changing their lives. Example:


#2 The Political Activist
These are almost always college kids who, in the last few months, have begun reading about politics. Unfortunately, all of their reading comes from inflammatory blogs and YouTube videos with techno background music and scary titles. Example:


#1 The Bot
"They" are not real, they are usually a computer that searches websites and creates fake accounts to post ads about bullshit websites that are often so riddled with spyware that even the pop-ups are enough to shoot sparks and hunks of melted plastic out of your PC. Example: